No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
NoShamevember. You game?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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