is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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