and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
