Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
false alarm, still single
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