Heybabeimwearingurpanties
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
