just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
