I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
