if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
