Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
