Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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