On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The adults are the big ones right?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
