I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
