Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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