Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
