My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
