Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
