Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
