shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
