In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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