my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The air was thick with penises
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
