I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
