he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Never let your siblings swipe right.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
