life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I love having hate sex.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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