First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
