I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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