just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
