At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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