what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
