I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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