i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
