how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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