Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
