he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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