they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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