so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
