Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
