i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
