You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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