I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Still dying that you shit outside
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
