Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
