True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
