Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
