she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
