Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
