how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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