Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
