just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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