lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
