Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
