butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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