We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
