He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
