I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
